Day 18: Garbage Island
I am slated to move back to Florida soon. I'm gonna be living with the mom for a little while. (Trying to pay off student loans and such while being in an environment that doesn't require as much money.) So, to this goal I have been cleaning up the apartment. I'm not going to post pictures, because well.. that shit is embarrassing. Like.. Health Hazard embarrassing. Like... a strain of mold grown here might kill Cthulhu embarrassing. (Assuming the dark lord is effected by such things.) But while I was cleaning.. I thought of this humorous tale. Enjoy.
[----------------------]
The general walked up and down the line of soldiers. Mostly officers stood before him, ground soldiers trying to peak over their heads while staying at attention. They wanted to hear the words of this man who stood so talk and awe inspiring among them, the lowly scrubs who had been on the front lines since this war began. He stopped pacing in front of them suddenly and let lose a smile.
"Men, we're close. We're very close. So close you can smell the sweet victory of pine and bleach in the air." All stood at perfect attention as the generals voice rang out over the whole of the bunkers without the use of a microphone. "I've seen the dawn of a new day. Our warrior spirit is like that of a comet shooting in the sky. It is bright. It is a sight to behold. And it cleanses as well as disinfects."
In union, the mass of the troops shouted, "Sir. Yes, sir."
The general's smile grew even wider, holding his hands out to his congregation. "Are we going to let a bunch of bacteria carrying, mold growing, fly attracted sacks of shit defeat us?"
"Sir. No, sir!" Booming even loader than before, some of the pilots in their mini-vac fighter planes began to rev the engines sucking power.
"Are we gonna let something like that stand in the way of us taking this floor back. Our sacred home that has been invaded by these low life pieces of trash?"
"Sir. No, sir!" Another booming chorus started the shake the foundations of the carpeted platform in which the general stood.
"Then our time is now brothers! We are going to take down that island of garbage. We will dismantle their homes, the germs who have plagued us for far too long. We will throw them out of these lands forever where they will rot in a hellish wasteland waiting for their chance to be burned away with holy fire. Who is with me?!"
"We are, sir!"
"Who is with me?!"
"We are, sir!!"
"Raise hell, boys! Raise bleach and pine scented hell!"
[----------------------]
"General, it's looking really bad. Scotch Company and Bright Company have been destroyed. We can't get any intel on their where a bouts."
"What about Arm Company? Hammer Company?"
"They made land fall two days ago. We think they're still alive, but... it's not looking good. Best case scenario, captured."
"Those bastards. What about Bubble Company?"
"The Scrubbing Bubbles 5th Battalion has reported that they are moving to the drop zone for a high priority mission. They may very well infiltrate the capital city."
"We have one battalion trying to get into the capital? That's all."
"The beach forces were a lot more prepared than we had anticipated. Flies were used to bombard the beer bottle beaches for days. We couldn't even get over the soda can hills."
"... Sargent. I'm afraid, I have no choice but to bring out the big guns."
"Sir you can't. You need the Present of Tidyside's approval before you launch..."
"To hell with Present Clean and his liberal agenda. If it were up to him, we wouldn't even be here. He can suck my detergent for all I care. We're getting the giant trash bags, and we're covering the whole of garbage island with them, and there is nothing they can do to stop me."
[----------------------]
Off the distance you could hear the whooshing sound. You'd think it would be a vac-jet fighter or a fly squadron going by, but that was until you saw the black trail coming out of the box. Then you knew, and on some level you hoped that you'd be right point blank in the center. If what they say is true about garbage bag explosions, those on the outer parts have it the worse. And one day there was an island, made with the garbage of many pizza boxes and take out orders.
And then suddenly there was nothing but floor.
Cleaner and Germ were wiped from the map that day. And I'd love to tell you it was the last time that such a war had to be fought. But I know, that would be a lie.
[----------------------]
The general walked up and down the line of soldiers. Mostly officers stood before him, ground soldiers trying to peak over their heads while staying at attention. They wanted to hear the words of this man who stood so talk and awe inspiring among them, the lowly scrubs who had been on the front lines since this war began. He stopped pacing in front of them suddenly and let lose a smile.
"Men, we're close. We're very close. So close you can smell the sweet victory of pine and bleach in the air." All stood at perfect attention as the generals voice rang out over the whole of the bunkers without the use of a microphone. "I've seen the dawn of a new day. Our warrior spirit is like that of a comet shooting in the sky. It is bright. It is a sight to behold. And it cleanses as well as disinfects."
In union, the mass of the troops shouted, "Sir. Yes, sir."
The general's smile grew even wider, holding his hands out to his congregation. "Are we going to let a bunch of bacteria carrying, mold growing, fly attracted sacks of shit defeat us?"
"Sir. No, sir!" Booming even loader than before, some of the pilots in their mini-vac fighter planes began to rev the engines sucking power.
"Are we gonna let something like that stand in the way of us taking this floor back. Our sacred home that has been invaded by these low life pieces of trash?"
"Sir. No, sir!" Another booming chorus started the shake the foundations of the carpeted platform in which the general stood.
"Then our time is now brothers! We are going to take down that island of garbage. We will dismantle their homes, the germs who have plagued us for far too long. We will throw them out of these lands forever where they will rot in a hellish wasteland waiting for their chance to be burned away with holy fire. Who is with me?!"
"We are, sir!"
"Who is with me?!"
"We are, sir!!"
"Raise hell, boys! Raise bleach and pine scented hell!"
[----------------------]
"General, it's looking really bad. Scotch Company and Bright Company have been destroyed. We can't get any intel on their where a bouts."
"What about Arm Company? Hammer Company?"
"They made land fall two days ago. We think they're still alive, but... it's not looking good. Best case scenario, captured."
"Those bastards. What about Bubble Company?"
"The Scrubbing Bubbles 5th Battalion has reported that they are moving to the drop zone for a high priority mission. They may very well infiltrate the capital city."
"We have one battalion trying to get into the capital? That's all."
"The beach forces were a lot more prepared than we had anticipated. Flies were used to bombard the beer bottle beaches for days. We couldn't even get over the soda can hills."
"... Sargent. I'm afraid, I have no choice but to bring out the big guns."
"Sir you can't. You need the Present of Tidyside's approval before you launch..."
"To hell with Present Clean and his liberal agenda. If it were up to him, we wouldn't even be here. He can suck my detergent for all I care. We're getting the giant trash bags, and we're covering the whole of garbage island with them, and there is nothing they can do to stop me."
[----------------------]
Off the distance you could hear the whooshing sound. You'd think it would be a vac-jet fighter or a fly squadron going by, but that was until you saw the black trail coming out of the box. Then you knew, and on some level you hoped that you'd be right point blank in the center. If what they say is true about garbage bag explosions, those on the outer parts have it the worse. And one day there was an island, made with the garbage of many pizza boxes and take out orders.
And then suddenly there was nothing but floor.
Cleaner and Germ were wiped from the map that day. And I'd love to tell you it was the last time that such a war had to be fought. But I know, that would be a lie.
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