Day 5: Rememberance

Today is gonna be a short post. It's a tough one for me so, here goes. Today I honor the memory of a dear friend of mine, Timothy Lee Rackley, who four years ago today, at 6:30 A.M. CST (approximately one hour from when I'm writing this) took his own life with a bullet to the brain. In his suicide note he had said that he could not fit in with society or what it required of him. He ended his own life instead of living one of misery and/or torment, self-inflicted or otherwise.

Sometimes I envy him.

I haven't been feeling well since I got out of bed, today. I feel like shit, I'm going through the motions of my life, but I feel beaten and defeated. I feel that I am not where I'm suppose to be. I feel like I'm making the best choices I can but those choices aren't making me happy. I can't explain it. I've been trying so hard to find out what it is I want for my life, but every time I try it ends in failure and depression.

I feel like I don't belong in this world.

But if it's all the same to everyone else, I guess I'll just keep pressing forward. Death is the end, but the show isn't over.

Not Yet.

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